Taking the First Step is Always the Hardest...

The first step in fixing a problem is admitting you have one.  It is also the hardest.  No one wants to admit when they're in over their head, but sometimes you reach a breaking point and just can't handle things anymore.  That is me.  I knew what an eating disorder was when I was about 11.  I remember reading about it in school and thinking, how can someone do this to themselves?  Little did I know two years later I would fall victim to one of these diseases.  I knew the risks, but at 13, you also don't think long term.  I had no idea 14 years later I would still find myself struggling to kick this addiction for good- because it is an addiction.  It's a need for that quick fix, the easiest way to cope with everything in my life that I can't control.  But now this disease has controlled me for pretty much half of my life.  I have had times in my life where I've been okay, where I thought I had kicked it for good.  But when everything goes wrong, I always turn back to the one thing that will always be there for me.  I went to a therapist for the first time at 13 for a few years, but at that time I had zero interest in trying to change.  I decided when I was 24 that I was ready to try again, and for a year and a half I saw someone who I don't feel helped me at all.  I never developed a connection with her, so that made the situation pretty pointless for me and I stopped caring.  I convinced myself I was fine and stopped going.  A few months ago, I saw myself downspiral yet again and knew deep down I had to try again.  So after much research I found a new therapist who is absolutely amazing, and exactly who I need in my life right now- I couldn't ask for a better supporter!  I'm just trying to take things one day at a time... one step up the mountain at a time.  The mountain is the highest mountain I'll ever climb, and I know I will fall back down it a lot... but I just have to get back up and try again, and eventually I will reach a point where I stop falling.