Standstill

I feel like at this moment my life is at a standstill.  I don't know how I feel about anything.  There are so many emotions and thoughts going through me and I need to get them out.  I know the only person I'm hurting by not letting my guard down is myself.... but thats not enough to change me.  I just have so many things I need to work on, its ridiculous.  I have so much built up inside me its insane.  I see my therapist in a few days so hopefully I can just let it all go, and not put my guard back up to her like I see a part of me doing.  Its hard to be optimistic when you see yourself falling apart inside and no one knows what to do to help you.  And I don't know how to help myself, but I'm taking baby steps trying to learn.