Just Thinking

The last few days I've been somewhat relaxed...for me that is.  But my mind is stilll constantly racing.  My mind races 24/7, there is just no way around it.  Sometimes I wonder if I will really be able to get better and change this time.  Some days I'm the most optimistic person, and others I'm like queen pessimist, but it really depends on my mood of the day.  I know the road is long, but I know deep down in the end it will be worth it.  My trust issues I know will be the biggest hurdle, and definitely the hardest to overcome.  I need to learn how to let my guard down and not be so completely terrified by it.  Sometimes I really feel that I am completely alone in this... but that is my own fault.  I need to isolate myself sometimes to deal with certain things.  I'm scared that if I fail again that no one will be there to support me because they will give up too.  It's a frustrating process for everyone involved, and I'm just hoping no one will give up on me, even if I do fail again.  But I'm tired of failing.  I'm tired of letting something that should mean nothing to me run my life... but its a part of me.  Sometimes I force myself to believe I'm perfectly fine even though I know I'm obviously not.  It's easier to run from something then it is to deal with it.